Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
