i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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