He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
