Dual....:-)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
