My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
