I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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