You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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