Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
