arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
