he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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