i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
