i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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