She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
