Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
