okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
