party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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