The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
