Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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