Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
