Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
