He disabled his match.com account in front of me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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