She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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