My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
