Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
