it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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