Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
