I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
