Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
