Kiss
Puke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
