I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
its liver damage thursday
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
