Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
