u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
