On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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