if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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