it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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