Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
look no pants
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
