I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize