In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
