Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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