I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We got so high we made milksteak
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
