addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
