I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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