i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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