If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
