Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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