I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
