Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
