I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
