I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
