he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
