8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
