I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
