i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
