I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
