More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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