Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
