Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my being single is dangerous.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
