capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
