all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
