Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Randomize
