Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
