Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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