I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
