My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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