Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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