Umm I'm too high to move.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
