So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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