nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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