yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
