so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
