he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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