Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i believe in u and ur pee
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
