just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
