I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
