She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
