just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
